Como se dice...?

So, I'm in a Spanish speaking country, and came here wanting to beome fluent in Spanish. And up until 3 days ago the progress has been slow. The first few weeks I avoided a lot of necessary communication. Only, I didn't even realize this until moving into the apartment, where there is no avoiding Spanish. Here, in my own home, I must feel like an ass when I don't make any sense, theres now no running away from it!

I was one of the first English speakers moved in, and that first night making dinner with 6 people in a small kitchen blabbering away in Spanish was, well, hmmm, how shall I say this, derrifying... yay, thats the word. I think the first 4 or 5 days in the house were the most frustrated I've ever been in my whole life. I like to think of myself as a positive person, but somehow I lost my ability to be determined to learn Spanish- I pretty much just gave up and couldn't snap myself out of this negative funk. But alas, the positive Marina is back:

A few nights ago I sponteneously had dinner with my American friend Liz and her Chilean boyfriend, Juan. It was exactly what I needed. To be sitting in their apartment, peacefully, communicating in a mix of Spanish and English was a perfect transition. Juan having patience with me speaking Spanish and me having patience with him speaking English and Liz translating when needed... well, it woke me up and made me realize I can learn Spanish. And then I realized that if I study Spanish on my bus ride to/from school everyday, thats at least 50 minutes a day to memorize vocab. The next day after doing this I had a great conversation with my red-headed Chilean roomate Sergio and his two friends. For the first time with the roomies, we truely expressed what communication is really about. With or without all the words I needed, we were able to express ourselves and it was so great because, ultimetely, love can be communicated without words, and with that, people can get to know each other. Like my roomate Natalia, I don't understand a lot of what she says but still, I know she is just so so sweet and I now always feel comfortable speaking with her, because I can feel her kindness and her sincerity in listening to me, however slow I talk. I now no longer see language as a barriar, but more as an opportunity to develop my ways to communicate. Maybe this all sounds corny, but I truely feel the communication going on even with a lack of words, and in this am seeing love being expressed.

And now with me talking way more Spanish in the house, I'm not at all afraid to talk to people in public. Like, buying things and asking directions, instead of feeling like theres no point in talking because I won't understand a response, I know I can at least try. And its very freeing to feel this.